Missing Us
The transformative program for couples to reconnect with each other after becoming parents.
You love being a parent…but you miss the close and connected relationship you used to have with your partner before you had kids.
Becoming a parent has been incredible and life-changing.
You adore your kids and you and your partner are doing your best to settle into a good routine to make all of the schedules work, spend quality time with your kids, and manage your careers.
But despite all of the good stuff, your relationship with your partner has suffered.
Before you had kids, you and your partner felt so close and connected and intimacy and affection came so easily. But becoming parents has made it so difficult to feel good about your relationship with each other.
It feels almost impossible to make time for each other, and when you do, you’re both distracted or exhausted and don’t make the best use of it. Your conversations are often focused on the kids or what has to get done, and not the in-depth, meaningful conversations you used to enjoy.
Before kids, it felt like you had all the time in the world to talk, hang out, or have sex. Now it sometimes feels like you are just two parents living parallel lives who rarely actually talk or touch.
Whether you are…
A couple with your first baby and are swimming in diapers, nap schedules, brain fog, and trying to find time to shower. This program is for you.
A couple with toddler(s) and are feeling the intensity of tantrums, potty training, and trying to divide household labor more evenly. This program is for you.
A couple with older kid(s) and parenting is feeling slightly less intense, but now the disconnection between you has been there for a long time and you’re not sure how to get back to each other. This program is for you.
Missing Us can help you and your partner get out of a rut and transform your relationship into one you delight in.
If you miss your partner and the relationship you had before kids, and you’re ready to put the time and energy back in your relationship, you’re in the right place.
Connection after kids is totally possible. But you need a roadmap. You need to know exactly what to focus on and guidance in how to do it.
You don’t need to wait until your kids are older and you have (supposedly) more time and energy. Your relationship with each other is the foundation of your family and should be prioritized now. So that your future is more secure, fulfilling, and enjoyable.
Missing Us will help you:
Create better routines that prioritize your relationship and help you both feel more connected.
Learn the essential skills for communicating, talking about your feelings, and working through conflict as it arises so that you stop having the same argument over and over.
Create more romance.
Create a new plan for rebalancing the childcare and household tasks so that it feels fair and neither of you feels resentful or overwhelmed.
Develop a shared philosophy of parenting and learn strategies to support each other when you’re struggling in a parenting moment.
Explore how to increase sexual desire, navigate changes in your sexual relationship, and work through common sexual obstacles.
Prioritize each other and your relationship...so that it’s no longer last on the priority list.
And finally, increase security, warmth, feeling liked, feeling seen, and feeling connected.
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"It felt like Missing Us was made specifically for us."
“Missing Us is a tremendous resource for couples who are wanting to reconnect and refocus on their relationship and it provides the structure and tools necessary to help that process. Abby is a warm and affirming guide through the process. Highly recommended, especially considering how valuable and limited our couple time is.”
-Zack (Fall 2023 group)
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"Take this course!
Missing Us was a great program for us. It gave us a detailed roadmap to talk about our relationship without either side feeling blamed. Abby also has done so much research and given the highlights and tips that are helpful to give your relationship a reset.”
-Cristina (Spring 2023 group)
Hi! I’m Abby.
I’m a licensed couples therapist and relationship coach.
I live in upstate NY with my two wonderful school-age kids and amazing husband of 20 years.
And like you, my spouse and I have been deeply invested in our relationship, but struggled in the transition to parenthood. We, too, have had to work hard to maintain a secure, connected relationship once we had kids.
As a couples therapist, my practice has been focused on helping couples find their way back to each other after babies are born. My work with couples over the past 15+ years has helped me really tune into what couples are needing and wanting, and which specific skills and habits are needed to get there.
Decades of research have shown us what the common challenges are for couples who are navigating parenthood together.
Not only do we know what those struggles are, but we know what couples need to be able to work through these issues and reestablish closeness.
So many couples could benefit from not only learning this information and developing these skills and habits, but having support to implement them. I know how to help you refocus on each other and restore the relationship you’ve been missing.
I’ve put everything I’ve learned over the past 20 years into a program that will give you and your partner all the skills and tools you need for a healthy, secure, connected relationship.
MISSING US ISN’T COUPLES THERAPY
We won’t be doing in-depth work on your past: previous relationships, traumas, and childhood experiences. We will be taking a deep, yet practical, look at the present and what is getting in the way of your ideal relationship now so that your future relationship is more secure.
AND IT ISN’T SELF-HELP
You won’t be left alone in your struggle to navigate and implement all the great info you get from books, podcasts, and social media accounts. You will be given step-by-step guidance to implement all the best tools and skills, and you’ll get support when you’re struggling.
In fact, it’s a tailor-made relationship mentorship program that supports you and your partner as you learn new skills, build better habits, and connect with each other more deeply than you have in years.
Missing Us has 3 Options.
Choose the one that is right for you:
Option 1: GROW
Self-Study Course
Work with your partner through the Missing Us course on your own time. This option is perfect for couples who are self-motivated and want the flexibility and independence to learn and implement the lessons at their own pace.
The GROW option includes:
Welcome Video + Pre-Module Lesson
6 Pre-Recorded Video Modules
PDFs, cheat sheets, and roadmaps
Weekly Challenges
Lifetime Access to course materials
BONUS: Student-only podcast for listening to course content on the go
$187 (3 Payments) or
$497 (Pay in Full)
Early Bird Pricing: $397 (Pay in Full) **register by 3/23 at 11:59pm EST)
Option 2: CONNECT
Group Coaching Program
Join the group program and get coaching and guidance as you implement the Missing Us lessons and make changes in your relationship. This option is perfect for couples who want more support and accountability as they work through lessons. It’s also the best option for feeling connected to other couples and normalizing the difficulties of your stage of life.
The CONNECT option includes:
Everything in the GROW option PLUS
3 months Group Coaching:
Two 90 minute Group Coaching calls per month over Zoom
Unlimited support and Q&A between group calls via Slack
BONUS: Student-only podcast for listening to course content on the go
$237 (6 Payments) or
$1297 (Pay in Full)
Early Bird Pricing: $997 (Pay in Full) **register by 3/23 at 11:59pm EST)
Option 3: IGNITE
Group Program + 1:1 Support
Choose IGNITE and get the highest level of support and coaching to transform your relationship. This option is perfect for couples who want the group experience + want individualized support to reconnect at the deepest level.
The IGNITE option includes:
Everything in CONNECT option PLUS:
Private Couples Coaching:
Monthly (3 total) 60 minute private couples coaching sessions with Abby over Zoom
Weekly asynchronous coaching with Abby via Voxer (a walkie-talkie app for voice and text messaging)
BONUS: Student-only podcast for listening to course content on the go
$421 (6 Payments) or
$2297 (Pay in Full)
Early Bird Pricing: $1797 (Pay in Full) **register by 3/23 at 11:59pm EST
Side-by-Side Comparison of Program Options:
What’s Inside Missing Us:
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Before the program starts, you’ll get access to a Pre-Module that will help explore your mindset and how you are balancing kids, your partner, and yourself.
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Evaluate which current relationship habits are working, and discover new habits to implement. Explore how much time you spend time together, what kind of time, and how to improve it. Get curious about what kinds of habits help you both feel loved, cared for, and appreciated. Begin tracking which habits have the most impact on feelings of connection and closeness.
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Learn more about attachment theory and discover each of your individual attachment styles. Identify how your attachment styles inform your negative interaction cycle. Gain insight and learn skills for de-escalating the cycle and creating a new, positive cycle.
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Learn skills for improving conflict and disagreements so that arguments are less heated and you avoid saying or doing things that are hurtful to your partner and your relationship. Then discover what is needed to truly repair with your partner after a conflict to regain connection.
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Explore the very common and very consequential dynamic in modern marriages of unequal division of labor. Learn a step-by-step method for ow to rebalance the load in a loving, supportive way that feels fair to both partners.
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The topic this week won’t be about which parenting styles are best, but will be about helping you and your partner navigate what to do when you disagree about parenting styles. Explore the dynamic between you two when it comes to parenting, explore the deeper meanings behind each of your styles, and work together to find a parenting path that works for you both.
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Explore ways to increase daily affection and physical closeness. Start improving your sexual relationship with your partner by improving your ability to talk about sex (talking about sex is of the best, often overlooked, ways to increase sexual intimacy!). And learn practical ways to increase pleasure and work on overcoming common sexual obstacles.
Plus! Two special BONUSES that will enhance your experience of the program.
BONUS: Student-Only Podcast
In addition to the videos for each module, you’ll also get access to a private podcast where you can listen to each lesson on the go. This is perfect for those of you who like to learn while walking, driving, cleaning, etc. It’s also helpful as a way to take in the material for a second (or third!) time once you’ve watched the videos.
BONUS Workshop:
The Magic Hour
You’ll get access to the The Magic Hour workshop, where you’ll learn to take your kid-free time in the evenings from boring and mismanaged to intentional and satisfying.
What Other Couples are Saying about Missing Us:
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"We’ve been able to show up for each other in a different way.
After Missing Us, we now have a shared language for things that we struggle with in our relationship and how we want to improve them. The program helped us talk about different aspects of our relationship and get on the same page about how we can manage this stage of our lives together.”
-Kimberly
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"I am seriously recommending this course to all of my friends who are parents!
I loved that Missing Us demonstrated how common all of our new parent struggles are. It made us feel like our problems aren't so personal, which helped us feel more optimistic about the future of our relationship. And Abby presented best practices for working through all these issues that really work!”
-Katrina
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"Abby and Missing Us provided us with a great framework on which we could deepen our relationship.
We left the course with a greater understanding of each other in many ways, the knowledge to address problems in the future, and many resources to help us grow.”
-Alaina
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"This course was amazing.
We are so thankful we chose to take this course with Abby. It has strengthened our marriage and helped us realize that EVERYONE struggles with connection when they have young kids.”
-Kristin + Ian
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"If you’re considering signing up for Missing Us, do it!
Loved the course. It was very useful - humanizes and normalizes the whole experience of being a new parent.”
-Scott
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"Missing Us gave us intentional time to spend together.
It helped us understand each other’s perspective more and why our conflicts escalate so quickly. We learned skills for how to communicate better.”
-Previous Missing Us participant
Important questions other couples have asked before signing up:
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This is a really common concern! So many people doubt that their partner will join them to work on the relationship. And it can feel super vulnerable to ask.
So, take a deep breath, and say, “Hey babe, I know we’ve been more disconnected lately and have been wanting to figure out how to feel close again. I found this program that I think would be really helpful. Would you be willing to give it a try with me?”
If your partner is still reluctant to join, please reach out and we’ll schedule a 20-30 minute call to talk more about the program and cover any other hesitations.
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This is such a great question! And it’s so normal to feel nervous. Most of us don’t talk to our friends about our relationship very deeply, much less strangers. But that’s kind of the beauty of this program. Being in a cohort with other couples who are in the exact same place as you can be incredibly normalizing and supportive. Learning this material alongside other couples who are also learning and growing is a really powerful experience.
Participants from previous rounds of Missing Us shared that they LOVED the group aspect and not only learned from the other couples, but also felt reassured that their struggles were normal.
I will do everything I can to create a safe, supportive space for each couple to work with each other and the other couples towards a closer relationship.
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Scheduling group meetings for couples is so tricky - especially when you consider different work schedules and flexibility, childcare availability, and different time zones.
Because of that, I will offer couples a few options for our group meetings and take a poll to see which day and time works best.
Even if you have to miss a group meeting or two, you’ll be able to pre-submit questions ahead of time, watch the recording afterwards, and get tons of support in Slack.
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The GROW option is self-study and doesn’t offer any additional support.
CONNECT option (Group Coaohing): You will have bimonthly 90 minute group coaching calls (7 total over 3 months) over Zoom. You will also have access to me (and the other couples) in the private Slack channel. This is a great place to share wins, ask questions, and get support from me and other couples.
IGNITE option (Group coaching + 1:1 support): You’ll get all the support included in the CONNECT option PLUS monthly 60 minute private couples coaching sessions over Zoom and weekly voice/text support via Voxer.
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As soon as you register for the program, you will get access to the Welcome Video, New Student Orientation, Pre-Module Lesson, and special bonus lesson. You can watch and work through these lessons at your leisure before the program officially starts on April 1, 2024.
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Nope! This program is queer and trans inclusive and is for any committed couple who wants to restore connection and closeness. While I do work with folks in poly/CNM relationships in my therapy practice, this program is geared towards couples who practice monogamy.
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This is such an important question. If you and your partner are facing more serious difficulties in your relationship (recent infidelity, verbal or physical abuse, conflict so frequent or intense that you’ve lost trust and warm feelings for each other), please reach out to a qualified couples therapist. Even though I am a licensed couples therapist, this particular program is not therapy and is not intended for couples who need intensive couples therapy.
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Great question! If you’re not sure if this program is the right fit, please feel free to schedule a 20 minute chat with me via Zoom to discuss your relationship and answer any questions you have about the program! I want each couple who enrolls to feel confident about their decision. I am more than happy to talk through your individual situation and give you my honest feedback about whether this program seems like a good fit for you.
Schedule 20 minute chat here: https://calendly.com/abbynordquist/20-minute-chat-1
Considering the CONNECT or IGNITE option to get more support, but feeling unsure about being in a group setting? I get it.
Here’s what previous couples had to say about being in the Missing Us Group Program:
“The group experience was really great. We supported each other and it normalized our own experience. Abby is an amazing facilitator. She did a wonderful job of holding space for the group and being responsive to each of us.”
— Kimberly
“Abby is amazing. You can tell that she genuinely cares about the participants in her program. We instantly felt at ease with her, and the vibe she set in the group was very open and non-judgmental. It made it easy for us to ask questions and share our own personal experiences while listening to the experiences of others, which helped us to get the most out of this program.”
-Kristin + Ian
“We loved the educational side mixed with couples coaching, plus hearing from the group. Though we were a bit uncertain about the group aspect, we ended up really enjoying hearing others' experiences and being validated that we are not alone. Thank you so much!”
— Previous Missing Us participant
“I loved our discussions with the other couples in the group and being able to learn from each other. The group aspect made the course more fun. I am seriously recommending this course to all my friends who are parents!”
-Katrina
Plus, you’ll be backed by a Risk-Free 14 Day Guarantee.
I know how nerve-wracking it can feel to invest in yourself or your relationship and hope that it’s worth it. But I’m also confident that Missing Us will help your relationship.
Which is why I’m offering you a 14 day risk-free guarantee. Meaning that, if you don’t find the program helpful in the first 14 days (after you’ve had access to the first two modules), then simply reach out, show me you’ve put in the work, and I will refund you.
Still on the fence?
If you’re still unsure whether this program is right for you, I’d love to get on Zoom with you to chat. We can talk through your unique situation and you can ask me any questions about the program that you have. I’ll give my honest feedback about if Missing Us will be a good fit for you and your partner.
The health of your relationship is foundational to the health of your whole family.
It’s not only possible - but it’s necessary - for couples to experience intimacy and joy in their relationship with each other during the parenting years.
But in order to experience intimacy and joy, there are qualities, tasks, and skills (that are unique to the parenting years!) that are necessary for couples to develop.
When couples are happy, connected, and secure they handle parenting challenges more easily, experience less depression and anxiety, and are less prone to parental burn-out. When couples have a strong, loving foundation they create more stability for their kids, experience more joy, are more resilient, and have a more optimistic view about life.
Working on your relationship now is a gift to your kids. It’s a gift for children to grow up in a household that is not only secure and stable, but where they see daily examples of what a loving, connected relationship looks like.
I’d love for you and your partner to have this too. I hope you’ll join us.
